Perfect Timing

I think about the way God works, how He just knows what we need, when we need it. 

I've been weighing some decisions in my head over the last few weeks. Every time I start to go one way, it seems like a road block gets put up. I haven't been able to understand why - it doesn't make any sense, how could I not be able to do this, etc. 

Today, a phone call made it at least a little more clear. While I still don't understand the direction it will lead, it at least explained why God has been telling me, "Hold still. I've got this."

I've never been good at "holding still". When things start to get rough, I've got to be moving. You wouldn't know that by looking at me. You'd think a guy like me, overweight and all, would be the perfect couch potato. No, as stressful as my life can be, I have to be doing something pretty much at all times. Whether it's physically or mentally, I'm always doing something. It might be preparing something in my head that I need to do. It might be getting something ready on a computer, or working ahead, or doing something else. I've never been good at just relaxing. 

I have to admit that sometimes, I pride myself on that ability to spring into action and run on adrenaline. When my mom was going through her health struggles, I went through periods of time where I had to be super involved in what was going on - if I wasn't, I felt lost. I was physically undergoing my own issues at the time which left me unable to do some things that I felt I should be able to do. I was off work for an extended period of time - which actually was a blessing in that it gave me those final days with my mom. Looking back, I believe it was God's way of giving me that time not only with her but also with Kensley. 

I'm definitely going to go into more detail on what happened around the time of my mom's death later, because that was a major life-changing event and it is something I am still dealing with in many ways. However, for now I will just say that the only way I was able to get through it was the grace that God showed me through my wife and my daughter. Without those two beautiful women in my life, I would be lost. I truly believe my mom knew I was going to be alright. I believe she looked at her children, knew that they had families of their own, and that she had raised them to the best of her ability - and her job was complete. 

It's coming up on 3 years since she has been gone, yet it feels like only yesterday. There are days that I wish she was still here, but I know that is just me being selfish. I know she is in a much better place, and I know that God has equipped me to get through the things I need to get through - with Him by my side. What He gives me may not be in the timing I want, but it's in the timing I need. That's how I know He loves me and is always taking care of me. Just like my mom always told me He would.