Every year, around this time, I revisit this blog that I started for the Lent season.
I have been debating what to give up for Lent this year. In years past, I had given up things like chocolate, fast food, etc. I don't see anything wrong with doing something like that as a way to say, "I'm going to give up something I really enjoy as a sacrifice for what God did for me." However, I feel like it's too easy for that to turn into a self-serving "sacrifice". I mean, my real reason for giving up fast food was probably to save money. Others were likely for health reasons. (I'm not sure why I ever gave up chocolate - no sane person would ever willingly do that.)
I've thought about what I wanted to do this year. I honestly still do not have a clear answer. I feel like I'm getting close, though.
I have had a few things weighing on my heart for quite awhile. One of those is a call to ministry - I'm just not sure to what ministry, exactly. I've often thought that being a worship leader may be that call. It may still be. Right now, as I recover from my neck surgery and have no singing voice whatsoever, it's difficult to say. I'll admit that I still have a fear that it won't come back. However, I'm reassured that everything so far with this surgery has went better than I could have imagined. I'm also reassured by the knowledge that God is greater than anything I could possibly dream of - and if He has a plan, He will equip me for that plan.
I may start blogging in here again during this Lent season. I don't want to make a promise yet, as I'm going to pray on this and see where God is leading me. I'd like to ask that you would join me in praying for that, as well as a few other things as well.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Monday, February 23, 2015
It's been awhile...
It's been awhile since I updated my blog, but I'm going to have more content coming soon. I'm working on getting a podcast up and running, but I need your help! What types of things would you listen for?
- Christian-based topics
- Music
- Technology
- Sports
- Others?
Let me know what you think - drop a comment here or send me an email at kenny.beasley@gmail.com
Friday, October 24, 2014
Something Missing
I've been having trouble trying to put this all in words. There's been so much running through my mind since my new baby girl was born almost 2 weeks ago. I'm so excited for this precious new life, but I've had this feeling that there's something missing.
When it was time to go to the hospital, and it became clear that this was it, I started going over the list of people that I had to get in touch with. I watched as family members held our new baby girl, shared in our joy, and then helped out with what needed to be done.
It reminded me of when Kensley was born, except something was missing - my mom. With Kensley, she was there to share in the joy. She was so thrilled to see my first child be born, something she had waited for for a long time. She was starting to get sick then, and didn't have the energy she once had, but she was still overjoyed. I know she would be just as thrilled to see my second.
I've sat here in my alone time thinking about this a lot. I'm the type to sit and observe, think about trends, etc. So naturally, I've sat and observed what's going on with my own family. I see Amanda's family come over and help, which has been amazing. Since I work midnights (and my body is not adjusting to it very well - that's a blog for another time), it's hard for me to help out when I want to. I do what I can, but I wish I could do more.
But there's still something missing. My mom should be here. She should be here playing games with Kensley and holding Annelise. She should be calling me every day asking how my girls are doing. For the first three months of Kensley's life, Mom would call me and ask how Amanda was and how "that beautiful baby girl" was. She should be here now.
Then I get reminded that my dad should be here, too. He should be giving me advice, helping me figure out how to fix this stupid stuff around the house that keeps breaking, helping me to know what kind of dad I should be.
I have their memories, and I draw on those all the time, but they should be here. It's not normal for them to not be here anymore. It's not fair - it's never been fair.
I know what you'll say - "be blessed by the time you had with them"; "use their memories and focus on your girls"; "it'll get better" etc. - but it still hurts, every single day. And no, it's not fair and it won't ever be fair.
They should be here.
That's why it hurts. That's why, even when I look at my beautiful family, there's still a hole in my heart. I often feel all alone. Not to discount the family that I have that has been there for me, but I've still got this hole in my heart that will never be filled.
I know I will deal with it, and things will get better. I know that if I pour my energy into focusing on what God wants me to do and the type of husband and father He wants me to be, and that they need me to be, eventually it won't hurt as bad.
It's just that these events are the type of reminder that's a slap in the face. It hits you out of nowhere. You just get used to your daily life without the ones you love, and then life throws you a curveball and you remember that they're not here.
I know that they're in a better place, that they're not in pain, and that they're much happier where they are now. I've got the reassurance that one day, I'll be there with them - hopefully, after I've had a long life to enjoy with my wife, daughters, and hopefully grandchildren down the road. Until then, I just have to keep moving through the different twists and turns of life, knowing that I still have people in my life who care and drawing off the memories of the ones I don't have anymore.
Right now, though, I'll go back to enjoying this precious new baby, full of innocence and life, and soak up every minute I can.
When it was time to go to the hospital, and it became clear that this was it, I started going over the list of people that I had to get in touch with. I watched as family members held our new baby girl, shared in our joy, and then helped out with what needed to be done.
It reminded me of when Kensley was born, except something was missing - my mom. With Kensley, she was there to share in the joy. She was so thrilled to see my first child be born, something she had waited for for a long time. She was starting to get sick then, and didn't have the energy she once had, but she was still overjoyed. I know she would be just as thrilled to see my second.
I've sat here in my alone time thinking about this a lot. I'm the type to sit and observe, think about trends, etc. So naturally, I've sat and observed what's going on with my own family. I see Amanda's family come over and help, which has been amazing. Since I work midnights (and my body is not adjusting to it very well - that's a blog for another time), it's hard for me to help out when I want to. I do what I can, but I wish I could do more.
But there's still something missing. My mom should be here. She should be here playing games with Kensley and holding Annelise. She should be calling me every day asking how my girls are doing. For the first three months of Kensley's life, Mom would call me and ask how Amanda was and how "that beautiful baby girl" was. She should be here now.
Then I get reminded that my dad should be here, too. He should be giving me advice, helping me figure out how to fix this stupid stuff around the house that keeps breaking, helping me to know what kind of dad I should be.
I have their memories, and I draw on those all the time, but they should be here. It's not normal for them to not be here anymore. It's not fair - it's never been fair.
I know what you'll say - "be blessed by the time you had with them"; "use their memories and focus on your girls"; "it'll get better" etc. - but it still hurts, every single day. And no, it's not fair and it won't ever be fair.
They should be here.
That's why it hurts. That's why, even when I look at my beautiful family, there's still a hole in my heart. I often feel all alone. Not to discount the family that I have that has been there for me, but I've still got this hole in my heart that will never be filled.
I know I will deal with it, and things will get better. I know that if I pour my energy into focusing on what God wants me to do and the type of husband and father He wants me to be, and that they need me to be, eventually it won't hurt as bad.
It's just that these events are the type of reminder that's a slap in the face. It hits you out of nowhere. You just get used to your daily life without the ones you love, and then life throws you a curveball and you remember that they're not here.
I know that they're in a better place, that they're not in pain, and that they're much happier where they are now. I've got the reassurance that one day, I'll be there with them - hopefully, after I've had a long life to enjoy with my wife, daughters, and hopefully grandchildren down the road. Until then, I just have to keep moving through the different twists and turns of life, knowing that I still have people in my life who care and drawing off the memories of the ones I don't have anymore.
Right now, though, I'll go back to enjoying this precious new baby, full of innocence and life, and soak up every minute I can.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Cleaning my office as I prepare for my new job, and I've come across a lot of interesting things. Pictures of friends and family, letters that I wrote and never sent, books I started to read and never finished - the list goes on. This evening, I found the Bible I used when I helped teach a youth group several years ago.
I can recall at least two different times that I felt God calling me to the ministry. I've always felt called to music ministry, but the weird thing is, whenever I've gotten closer to anything beyond that, something pulls me back. Maybe a fear that I'm not actually called to do it, and therefore won't be equipped to do it - I'm not sure.
I was going over the notes that I had prepared for some of the lessons...
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Birds
When I left for work this morning, I was greeted by the sound of birds singing. Of course it's a refreshing sound to me considering how harsh our winter has been this year. However, it has a much deeper sense of comfort to me.
When Amanda and I got married, there was a single bird that flew to the top of the chapel in Nashville. It sat there and chirped from the time we arrived until we left the chapel for our reception. My mom made a comment to me about the bird and how it was a reminder that my dad was still with me.
The night my mom passed away, Amanda and I got home at around 2am. When I got out of the car, there were 2 birds chirping and singing the most beautiful song I've ever heard.
It reminded me that now both my mom and dad are always with me, no matter where I go.
This morning, after a rough night of little sleep and all the memories that are rushing back to me, I felt a sense of calming and was reminded that they are still with me.
When Amanda and I got married, there was a single bird that flew to the top of the chapel in Nashville. It sat there and chirped from the time we arrived until we left the chapel for our reception. My mom made a comment to me about the bird and how it was a reminder that my dad was still with me.
The night my mom passed away, Amanda and I got home at around 2am. When I got out of the car, there were 2 birds chirping and singing the most beautiful song I've ever heard.
It reminded me that now both my mom and dad are always with me, no matter where I go.
This morning, after a rough night of little sleep and all the memories that are rushing back to me, I felt a sense of calming and was reminded that they are still with me.
21 March, 2014 06:05
I can't sleep. The last two days I've had a horrible headache that won't go away. I'm sure part of it is because of this rush of memories that keeps coming back to me.
I was about to get in the shower that morning when I got the call that they had to call an ambulance for Mom. She had never moved from the couch the night before and still couldn't move on her own. I knew it was bad because Mom would never consent to an ambulance if she was alert enough to do so.
I went over to the hospital and waited. She was stable, but I could tell she was very confused. They took her for some tests. I went with her, and they had to have me help her get on the table for the CT scan. She seemed confused as to what to do but seemed to be ok as long as I stayed there.
They decided to admit her and continue running more tests. We knew she had cirrhosis, for which she had just had surgery. On top of that, they discovered she had lymphoma. We were unsure what was causing her to be so weak and confused at this moment and so were the doctors.
I've been around hospitals and doctor's offices enough to know when they are avoiding telling you something. I could see it in their eyes. Nurses would come in, look at her chart, and look at me with a sympathetic look and walk on by. There were things they couldn't tell me, maybe because they honestly didn't know, but I could tell they knew.
I think deep down, somewhere, I knew too. I just didn't want to admit it. I was holding out hope. I mean, surely God wouldn't let this happen, right? He had already taken my dad from me when I was 12. I only ever got to know one grandparent, and God took her when I was 13. Surely He wouldn't take my mom from me when I'm just 25...right? I mean, Kensley was just 3 months old. She needs to grow up and know her grandma Sue. It just wouldn't be fair, and besides, I couldn't handle this without her...
I was in and out of her ICU room that day. The last time, I brought Amanda with me. We just sat there and watched some TV - a college basketball game since the tournament was on. Mom joked, "Oh sure, you're just using me for the TV!" I told her no, and she said, "Ryan, I know that, I'm just teasing you."
Even in her last days, she was always trying to make me laugh.
Mom kept trying to take off her oxygen mask, but I wouldn't let her. "You didn't raise me to not be stubborn," I told her.
"Well, that was my goal in life - " she answered - "to get you raised."
I realized later that she had checked off everything on her earthly to-do list. My brother is grown, my sister is grown and raising a family, and now I, the youngest, had just started my own family. In my mom's eyes, her job was complete. She raised me and my brother and sister. My dad had passed on, so she was ready to go.
I came home so she could rest. I remember while being outside, even though there were stars out and not a cloud to be seen, I saw a flash of lightning come from the western sky. From where I live, the hospital is to the west. I froze for a moment, wondering if it was a transformer or something. I went along with my night and finally went to bed.
I was talking to Amanda and looking at my phone when it rang. It was my sister. She is a nurse and happened to be working at the hospital that night. I needed to come up there, because we had to make some important decisions. Mom did not have a living will. She was not being responsive to them but kept trying to pull her oxygen off. When it did come off, her vitals plummeted.
I remember being in shock. I had just been talking to her. What had happened? Why the sudden change? More importantly, what do we do now?
I remember my sister asking Mom what she wanted us to do. Mom squeezed my hand when she asked if she just wanted to go be with Dad. I still thought deep down it would be a long way off, not 24 hours later.
I have to stop here because honestly my mind is a jumbled mess. A lot of what I've written I've went back and forth on if I want to write because it still hurts too much. This is the first anniversary of her death without the comfort of antidepressants, without the numbing of medication. I'm feeling it raw for the first time and it's like a bandaid being ripped off. It hurts and I don't think I realized just how bad it hurts until now.
I thought I had kept the pain under control pretty well, but the problem with grief is if you don't deal with it, it will manifest itself in one way or another. The best thing to do is just to experience the stages as they come to you and lean on God for support, strength, and comfort.
I was about to get in the shower that morning when I got the call that they had to call an ambulance for Mom. She had never moved from the couch the night before and still couldn't move on her own. I knew it was bad because Mom would never consent to an ambulance if she was alert enough to do so.
I went over to the hospital and waited. She was stable, but I could tell she was very confused. They took her for some tests. I went with her, and they had to have me help her get on the table for the CT scan. She seemed confused as to what to do but seemed to be ok as long as I stayed there.
They decided to admit her and continue running more tests. We knew she had cirrhosis, for which she had just had surgery. On top of that, they discovered she had lymphoma. We were unsure what was causing her to be so weak and confused at this moment and so were the doctors.
I've been around hospitals and doctor's offices enough to know when they are avoiding telling you something. I could see it in their eyes. Nurses would come in, look at her chart, and look at me with a sympathetic look and walk on by. There were things they couldn't tell me, maybe because they honestly didn't know, but I could tell they knew.
I think deep down, somewhere, I knew too. I just didn't want to admit it. I was holding out hope. I mean, surely God wouldn't let this happen, right? He had already taken my dad from me when I was 12. I only ever got to know one grandparent, and God took her when I was 13. Surely He wouldn't take my mom from me when I'm just 25...right? I mean, Kensley was just 3 months old. She needs to grow up and know her grandma Sue. It just wouldn't be fair, and besides, I couldn't handle this without her...
I was in and out of her ICU room that day. The last time, I brought Amanda with me. We just sat there and watched some TV - a college basketball game since the tournament was on. Mom joked, "Oh sure, you're just using me for the TV!" I told her no, and she said, "Ryan, I know that, I'm just teasing you."
Even in her last days, she was always trying to make me laugh.
Mom kept trying to take off her oxygen mask, but I wouldn't let her. "You didn't raise me to not be stubborn," I told her.
"Well, that was my goal in life - " she answered - "to get you raised."
I realized later that she had checked off everything on her earthly to-do list. My brother is grown, my sister is grown and raising a family, and now I, the youngest, had just started my own family. In my mom's eyes, her job was complete. She raised me and my brother and sister. My dad had passed on, so she was ready to go.
I came home so she could rest. I remember while being outside, even though there were stars out and not a cloud to be seen, I saw a flash of lightning come from the western sky. From where I live, the hospital is to the west. I froze for a moment, wondering if it was a transformer or something. I went along with my night and finally went to bed.
I was talking to Amanda and looking at my phone when it rang. It was my sister. She is a nurse and happened to be working at the hospital that night. I needed to come up there, because we had to make some important decisions. Mom did not have a living will. She was not being responsive to them but kept trying to pull her oxygen off. When it did come off, her vitals plummeted.
I remember being in shock. I had just been talking to her. What had happened? Why the sudden change? More importantly, what do we do now?
I remember my sister asking Mom what she wanted us to do. Mom squeezed my hand when she asked if she just wanted to go be with Dad. I still thought deep down it would be a long way off, not 24 hours later.
I have to stop here because honestly my mind is a jumbled mess. A lot of what I've written I've went back and forth on if I want to write because it still hurts too much. This is the first anniversary of her death without the comfort of antidepressants, without the numbing of medication. I'm feeling it raw for the first time and it's like a bandaid being ripped off. It hurts and I don't think I realized just how bad it hurts until now.
I thought I had kept the pain under control pretty well, but the problem with grief is if you don't deal with it, it will manifest itself in one way or another. The best thing to do is just to experience the stages as they come to you and lean on God for support, strength, and comfort.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
3/19/2011
This was the last day I talked to you on the phone. I would call you every day. If I didn't get a chance to call early in the day, you would call and ask if I had forgotten about you. Of course I could never forget about you. I still can't and never will.
It was a short call. We were shopping at the outlet mall and Kensley, just 3 months old at the time, reacted to someone in a way that I knew Dad would laugh at. I called you to tell you about it. Even though you were weak, you still laughed.
We had to keep the call short because you had a cough that made it hard for you to talk, so I let you go and told you I would talk to you later.
I had no idea the next call I'd get would be the next morning saying they had to call an ambulance for you because you couldn't get off the couch on your own.
I still miss our calls. You were the one person I could call at any time, for any reason. When I had something good happen, or something bad, I could call you. When you had something good or bad happen, you made sure to call me.
I still sometimes reach for phone on instinct to call you at those times. It happened just this week. We found out something and you were the first person I wanted to tell. I had a really rough day, and you were the first person I wanted to talk to.
It's getting a little better, but it's still hard. I use to pick the phone up, stare at your number, and cry. Yearn for the chance to hear your voice again and talk to you again.
Now, I still look at the phone for a second, and then just set it back down. I'll stop for a minute, imagine how our conversation would have went, and move on with my day.
Others probably think I get really quiet sometimes. If they only knew that those are the times I still have set aside to talk to you.
It's just not by phone anymore.
It was a short call. We were shopping at the outlet mall and Kensley, just 3 months old at the time, reacted to someone in a way that I knew Dad would laugh at. I called you to tell you about it. Even though you were weak, you still laughed.
We had to keep the call short because you had a cough that made it hard for you to talk, so I let you go and told you I would talk to you later.
I had no idea the next call I'd get would be the next morning saying they had to call an ambulance for you because you couldn't get off the couch on your own.
I still miss our calls. You were the one person I could call at any time, for any reason. When I had something good happen, or something bad, I could call you. When you had something good or bad happen, you made sure to call me.
I still sometimes reach for phone on instinct to call you at those times. It happened just this week. We found out something and you were the first person I wanted to tell. I had a really rough day, and you were the first person I wanted to talk to.
It's getting a little better, but it's still hard. I use to pick the phone up, stare at your number, and cry. Yearn for the chance to hear your voice again and talk to you again.
Now, I still look at the phone for a second, and then just set it back down. I'll stop for a minute, imagine how our conversation would have went, and move on with my day.
Others probably think I get really quiet sometimes. If they only knew that those are the times I still have set aside to talk to you.
It's just not by phone anymore.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Following in my footsteps?
I'm cracking up right now.
When I was a kid, I would sit and go through ads and magazines and read them, like I was doing commercials for the radio. I don't remember how old I was at the time, but I was pretty young.
As I write this, Kensley is sitting right beside me, reading a dogs' health supplies magazine and telling me about every item, explaining what you do with it and how amazing it would be if you bought it.
Heaven help me, she just might follow in my footsteps.
When I was a kid, I would sit and go through ads and magazines and read them, like I was doing commercials for the radio. I don't remember how old I was at the time, but I was pretty young.
As I write this, Kensley is sitting right beside me, reading a dogs' health supplies magazine and telling me about every item, explaining what you do with it and how amazing it would be if you bought it.
Heaven help me, she just might follow in my footsteps.
Overwhelmed
Today, I just feel overwhelmed. There's no real reason why, I just feel like there is just too much to do.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Here we go...
This week is always one of the toughest for me. Saturday marks 3 years since my mom passed away, and still it feels like it was only yesterday. There are some positive changes going on in my world right now which is helping to keep me distracted, but it still doesn't ease the pain.
I made the decision a few weeks ago to wean off my antidepressant. I have been on it for almost 2 years, and with my physician's consent, I started the transition at the beginning of March. Part of me thought, why on earth am I going off of antidepressants in the same month that has brought me some of the deepest pain in my life? Then I realized that I needed to experience this with an open mind. Antidepressants have always clouded my mind and kept me from feeling what I truly needed to feel.
Keep in mind, I'm not saying that people should not take them or trying to discourage them in any way. I think that is a decision that one makes with his or her physician and that's it. For me personally, I have discovered that at least the ones that are available on the market do not work for me.
So, here we go. Whatever this week will hold, I'm ready. I know that at least in so many ways, I'm in a better place than I was the last couple of years. I know that God wants a lot more from me and has also done a lot with me in the last 3 years. I know that I need to never give up, keep pressing forward, and He will continue to be by my side.
I made the decision a few weeks ago to wean off my antidepressant. I have been on it for almost 2 years, and with my physician's consent, I started the transition at the beginning of March. Part of me thought, why on earth am I going off of antidepressants in the same month that has brought me some of the deepest pain in my life? Then I realized that I needed to experience this with an open mind. Antidepressants have always clouded my mind and kept me from feeling what I truly needed to feel.
Keep in mind, I'm not saying that people should not take them or trying to discourage them in any way. I think that is a decision that one makes with his or her physician and that's it. For me personally, I have discovered that at least the ones that are available on the market do not work for me.
So, here we go. Whatever this week will hold, I'm ready. I know that at least in so many ways, I'm in a better place than I was the last couple of years. I know that God wants a lot more from me and has also done a lot with me in the last 3 years. I know that I need to never give up, keep pressing forward, and He will continue to be by my side.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Perfect Timing
I think about the way God works, how He just knows what we need, when we need it.
I've been weighing some decisions in my head over the last few weeks. Every time I start to go one way, it seems like a road block gets put up. I haven't been able to understand why - it doesn't make any sense, how could I not be able to do this, etc.
Today, a phone call made it at least a little more clear. While I still don't understand the direction it will lead, it at least explained why God has been telling me, "Hold still. I've got this."
I've never been good at "holding still". When things start to get rough, I've got to be moving. You wouldn't know that by looking at me. You'd think a guy like me, overweight and all, would be the perfect couch potato. No, as stressful as my life can be, I have to be doing something pretty much at all times. Whether it's physically or mentally, I'm always doing something. It might be preparing something in my head that I need to do. It might be getting something ready on a computer, or working ahead, or doing something else. I've never been good at just relaxing.
I have to admit that sometimes, I pride myself on that ability to spring into action and run on adrenaline. When my mom was going through her health struggles, I went through periods of time where I had to be super involved in what was going on - if I wasn't, I felt lost. I was physically undergoing my own issues at the time which left me unable to do some things that I felt I should be able to do. I was off work for an extended period of time - which actually was a blessing in that it gave me those final days with my mom. Looking back, I believe it was God's way of giving me that time not only with her but also with Kensley.
I'm definitely going to go into more detail on what happened around the time of my mom's death later, because that was a major life-changing event and it is something I am still dealing with in many ways. However, for now I will just say that the only way I was able to get through it was the grace that God showed me through my wife and my daughter. Without those two beautiful women in my life, I would be lost. I truly believe my mom knew I was going to be alright. I believe she looked at her children, knew that they had families of their own, and that she had raised them to the best of her ability - and her job was complete.
It's coming up on 3 years since she has been gone, yet it feels like only yesterday. There are days that I wish she was still here, but I know that is just me being selfish. I know she is in a much better place, and I know that God has equipped me to get through the things I need to get through - with Him by my side. What He gives me may not be in the timing I want, but it's in the timing I need. That's how I know He loves me and is always taking care of me. Just like my mom always told me He would.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
A New Journey
Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of the Lent season. This year, I decided in addition to giving something up (caffeine - you've had your warning!), I'm going to do something I did 4 years ago, which is blog during the Lent season.
I used a different blog system then (you can check it out at kennybeasley.blogspot.com if you really want to). I decided to try this one for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to see if this layout would be easier to maintain. Second, so much has changed in my life since that time. I was just really starting to branch out into what my faith meant to me on a personal level. (Looking back, I've realized that you never stop experiencing that - it just takes on different forms.)
At that time in my life, I was weeks away from finding out that we were expecting our first child. Amanda found out the same week that she got her hours cut at work. My mom started to really see a decline in her health - by the next year, she had passed away.
The struggles that I and my entire family faced in the time afterward were something I could never have predicted. However, the way that God brought us through those struggles is something that I also never could have imagined. He has given us so many blessings that I've lost count. We have a healthy and rambunctious baby girl who is now 3 years old and reminds me every day the beauty this world can offer. More importantly, she reminds me of the love of Jesus.
This first post is all over the map, which is pretty indicative of how my thoughts have been lately. Hopefully, I'll get that fixed over the course of this Lent season. Thanks for taking this journey with me!
I used a different blog system then (you can check it out at kennybeasley.blogspot.com if you really want to). I decided to try this one for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to see if this layout would be easier to maintain. Second, so much has changed in my life since that time. I was just really starting to branch out into what my faith meant to me on a personal level. (Looking back, I've realized that you never stop experiencing that - it just takes on different forms.)
At that time in my life, I was weeks away from finding out that we were expecting our first child. Amanda found out the same week that she got her hours cut at work. My mom started to really see a decline in her health - by the next year, she had passed away.
The struggles that I and my entire family faced in the time afterward were something I could never have predicted. However, the way that God brought us through those struggles is something that I also never could have imagined. He has given us so many blessings that I've lost count. We have a healthy and rambunctious baby girl who is now 3 years old and reminds me every day the beauty this world can offer. More importantly, she reminds me of the love of Jesus.
This first post is all over the map, which is pretty indicative of how my thoughts have been lately. Hopefully, I'll get that fixed over the course of this Lent season. Thanks for taking this journey with me!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Testing
Just testing this out - I'm going to use this over Lent in 2014 to further my studies and in my relationship with God....all while probably being open and honest with myself in my struggles and failures as a husband, father, and human.
Testing
This is just a quick test - I am going to utilize this over lent to go further in my studies and in my relationship with God, while also being brutally honest and open with myself.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Moment of honesty for me - my self-esteem sucks. It's not just low, or really low, it sucks. Most times, it's to the point where I feel like I have nothing to offer. I know it's not true. I know that God has blessed me with gifts to use for Him. People have told me this, but I still feel like everything I can do is not good enough. I realize how that sounds - saying that I know God has given me a gift that's not good enough? I know that's not true, but I also can't help how I feel at certain times.
I think part of it is just perception and how it can be twisted. I know that the devil can work against me by using what I see and twisting it to look like it's worse than it is.
I think part of it is just perception and how it can be twisted. I know that the devil can work against me by using what I see and twisting it to look like it's worse than it is.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Apologies
It's been a long time since I've posted anything in here - to say things went a little off track would be an understatement by far. At some point I might try to recap what's happened, but let's just say for now that I am so thankful to God for pulling me back in where I need to be.
Sorry for not keeping this up like I had hoped - I will try to get a lot better about that.
Sorry for not keeping this up like I had hoped - I will try to get a lot better about that.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Birth Announcements
Many Memories Pink Birth Announcement
Find 100's of cute birth announcements at Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Scripture from biblegateway.com, NIV
Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.
1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
3 Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.
I decided to share this passage of scripture in my first blog post in about 8 or 9 months. Why? Well, it was right after my last post that my wife and I found out that she is pregnant! Our baby girl is officially due December 5th, but Amanda is already experiencing signs of labor so we are expecting her to arrive any day.
We have made a lot of preparations for the baby: the crib is assembled, the room is painted, the showers have been done (thank you to all, by the way) and we have basically every physical thing we need for her arrival. However, it occurred to me while looking at this scripture that there is one thing we need to focus on that is more important than anything else.
Notice the first sentence: "Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain." The Message translation puts it this way: "If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks." You can look at it in a physical manner, but I look at it in this way: Unless God is the center of my house (or my family), then do I really have a home?
I could let my baby girl be surrounded by toys and gifts and every material desire she could ever have and yet still not have a home. I could meet her every physical need (shelter, food, clothing) and still not have a home.
The one thing that was pounded into my head when my wife and I got married was this: make sure Christ is the center of your marriage. I didn't really understand at the time just how important that really is. I do now, however, having been married for only 2 1/2 years. There have been some times that I thought we would never make it through, but God was right there to see us through it. When we have tried to make it on our own, we have failed. When we have leaned on Christ, we have succeeded! Success may not have looked like we though it would, but we succeeded nonetheless.
How much more important, then, is it to make sure that Christ is the center of our family? Our baby needs to know that there is more to life than the things you accumulate, the money you make, the people you know, the places you see, etc. Instead, our daughter (and all future children) need to know the love of God, the love of Jesus Christ who died for her before she was even born! She needs to know that there is One that loves her unconditionally. She needs to know from the beginning that she has a heavenly Father who loves her and wants to see her succeed in life and in whatever ministry she may be called to. She also needs to know that she has two earthly parents that love her unconditionally as well and would do anything for her.
As the Psalm above states, children are a gift from God! They need to be treated as such and recognize that they are special, wanted, and loved. My prayer is that my daughter knows from the beginning and for the rest of her life that she has a mother and a father who love her more than anything on this earth, and a heavenly father that loves her more than anything and gave His only Son so that she could have everlasting life.
Only then will our house truly be a home.
Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.
1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
3 Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.
I decided to share this passage of scripture in my first blog post in about 8 or 9 months. Why? Well, it was right after my last post that my wife and I found out that she is pregnant! Our baby girl is officially due December 5th, but Amanda is already experiencing signs of labor so we are expecting her to arrive any day.
We have made a lot of preparations for the baby: the crib is assembled, the room is painted, the showers have been done (thank you to all, by the way) and we have basically every physical thing we need for her arrival. However, it occurred to me while looking at this scripture that there is one thing we need to focus on that is more important than anything else.
Notice the first sentence: "Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain." The Message translation puts it this way: "If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks." You can look at it in a physical manner, but I look at it in this way: Unless God is the center of my house (or my family), then do I really have a home?
I could let my baby girl be surrounded by toys and gifts and every material desire she could ever have and yet still not have a home. I could meet her every physical need (shelter, food, clothing) and still not have a home.
The one thing that was pounded into my head when my wife and I got married was this: make sure Christ is the center of your marriage. I didn't really understand at the time just how important that really is. I do now, however, having been married for only 2 1/2 years. There have been some times that I thought we would never make it through, but God was right there to see us through it. When we have tried to make it on our own, we have failed. When we have leaned on Christ, we have succeeded! Success may not have looked like we though it would, but we succeeded nonetheless.
How much more important, then, is it to make sure that Christ is the center of our family? Our baby needs to know that there is more to life than the things you accumulate, the money you make, the people you know, the places you see, etc. Instead, our daughter (and all future children) need to know the love of God, the love of Jesus Christ who died for her before she was even born! She needs to know that there is One that loves her unconditionally. She needs to know from the beginning that she has a heavenly Father who loves her and wants to see her succeed in life and in whatever ministry she may be called to. She also needs to know that she has two earthly parents that love her unconditionally as well and would do anything for her.
As the Psalm above states, children are a gift from God! They need to be treated as such and recognize that they are special, wanted, and loved. My prayer is that my daughter knows from the beginning and for the rest of her life that she has a mother and a father who love her more than anything on this earth, and a heavenly father that loves her more than anything and gave His only Son so that she could have everlasting life.
Only then will our house truly be a home.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Well, it's been a while since I've been able to blog in here. To say there's a lot going on is an understatement. My life is changing, flipping upside down, but I have peace about it. I'll say more about this a little bit later, but basically I am being shown that God is in control, no matter what.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This is probably the most important week in the Christian faith. For all the miracles that Jesus performed, nothing compares to the miracle of Easter. If you haven't taken time this week to reflect on God and everything He has done for you, I urge you to do that now. Take a few minutes and pray, read the Bible, or do something else that allows you to focus on God.
I'll have another blog a little later with a major announcement :-)
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This is probably the most important week in the Christian faith. For all the miracles that Jesus performed, nothing compares to the miracle of Easter. If you haven't taken time this week to reflect on God and everything He has done for you, I urge you to do that now. Take a few minutes and pray, read the Bible, or do something else that allows you to focus on God.
I'll have another blog a little later with a major announcement :-)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Catching up..
I mentioned that it's been a crazy week, and really, it's been a crazy few months. It seems like every time you try to do something for God, you get slammed. I think the devil works in that way so you'll get distracted.
I've been going through a phase lately where God is cleaning out the junk in my life. I feel like things are getting simpler, in a way, because I'm getting rid of those distractions. I've struggled with a lot of different things throughout my life, and I think that God is using this time during Lent to finally cleanse me of a lot of things.
One of my aunts died last week. She was one of my dad's sisters. I drove down with my mom to Alabama on Thursday night for her funeral, which was Friday morning. It was nice to see my family there, because I get to see them maybe once a year (if that). I went down last year with Amanda so she could meet all of my living aunts and uncles on my dad's side. Fortunately, she was able to meet my aunt Mary before she passed.
The weekend was hectic (I got a speeding ticket on the way down, a flat tire while I was there, and some other things) but it was also good. I got to sing with my uncle's band, which was awesome for me. Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to sing with him.
I will remember the weekend if for nothing else than I got to spend some quality time with my mom. Since I got married in 2008, I might see my mom once a week or so. She has had some problems with her short-term memory and some other health issues that they are getting worked out, so I usually see her for her doctor's appointments. Being able to spend time with her and actually have conversations with her was really nice. I did miss being home, though. It was probably the first major trip I have taken without Amanda since we got married.
At most funerals I have been to, the preacher talks about Psalm 23. This was no exception, and I want to share that with you if you have never read it.
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
I used to be so distraught by the topic of death that I didn't even want to think about it. Now, I have so much peace. I realize that Mary's life did not end - only her time on earth. Only her pain, only her suffering. Only her sadness and mourning. Only her body, which suffered from muscular dystrophy and other issues. No, her life did not end - it has only begun! She is with the Lord, who she loved so much. She is with her husband, her daughter, her brothers and sisters, her parents - everyone she loved who has went on before her. My aunt Mary is not the one who is suffering.
It wouldn't be right for me to end this without saying this. Think about your life for a moment. All that you've done in your past. All that you have planned to do in the future. What would happen if that was taken away from you? What would happen if it was YOUR time? Where would you go?
I believe that Jesus Christ paved the way for us. Some religions say you have to do this or that, or behave in this way or that way in order to reach heaven. Jesus, however, paid the price so you could reach heaven in a much easier way. God sent Jesus, His only son, to pay the price that we should have paid. All God asks is that you accept Jesus as your savior.
That doesn't mean that everything will change at once. You will still have your bad habits, you will still have to work out a lot. That's okay - that stuff will work out later (I'm still working through a lot of that, myself). But the neat part is this: When you accept Jesus as your savior, you are saying , "Yes, I believe you died on a cross and took the punishment for sin that I should have received. There is nothing I can do to earn my way to heaven. None of my good works could ever be good enough to pay the price."
The only one who can make that choice is you. You can accept Jesus or reject Him. I'm not going to judge you either way. However, I know my aunt Mary accepted Him and I did, too. I know where she is today, and I know where I will be when it is my time to leave.
I've been going through a phase lately where God is cleaning out the junk in my life. I feel like things are getting simpler, in a way, because I'm getting rid of those distractions. I've struggled with a lot of different things throughout my life, and I think that God is using this time during Lent to finally cleanse me of a lot of things.
One of my aunts died last week. She was one of my dad's sisters. I drove down with my mom to Alabama on Thursday night for her funeral, which was Friday morning. It was nice to see my family there, because I get to see them maybe once a year (if that). I went down last year with Amanda so she could meet all of my living aunts and uncles on my dad's side. Fortunately, she was able to meet my aunt Mary before she passed.
The weekend was hectic (I got a speeding ticket on the way down, a flat tire while I was there, and some other things) but it was also good. I got to sing with my uncle's band, which was awesome for me. Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to sing with him.
I will remember the weekend if for nothing else than I got to spend some quality time with my mom. Since I got married in 2008, I might see my mom once a week or so. She has had some problems with her short-term memory and some other health issues that they are getting worked out, so I usually see her for her doctor's appointments. Being able to spend time with her and actually have conversations with her was really nice. I did miss being home, though. It was probably the first major trip I have taken without Amanda since we got married.
At most funerals I have been to, the preacher talks about Psalm 23. This was no exception, and I want to share that with you if you have never read it.
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
I used to be so distraught by the topic of death that I didn't even want to think about it. Now, I have so much peace. I realize that Mary's life did not end - only her time on earth. Only her pain, only her suffering. Only her sadness and mourning. Only her body, which suffered from muscular dystrophy and other issues. No, her life did not end - it has only begun! She is with the Lord, who she loved so much. She is with her husband, her daughter, her brothers and sisters, her parents - everyone she loved who has went on before her. My aunt Mary is not the one who is suffering.
It wouldn't be right for me to end this without saying this. Think about your life for a moment. All that you've done in your past. All that you have planned to do in the future. What would happen if that was taken away from you? What would happen if it was YOUR time? Where would you go?
I believe that Jesus Christ paved the way for us. Some religions say you have to do this or that, or behave in this way or that way in order to reach heaven. Jesus, however, paid the price so you could reach heaven in a much easier way. God sent Jesus, His only son, to pay the price that we should have paid. All God asks is that you accept Jesus as your savior.
That doesn't mean that everything will change at once. You will still have your bad habits, you will still have to work out a lot. That's okay - that stuff will work out later (I'm still working through a lot of that, myself). But the neat part is this: When you accept Jesus as your savior, you are saying , "Yes, I believe you died on a cross and took the punishment for sin that I should have received. There is nothing I can do to earn my way to heaven. None of my good works could ever be good enough to pay the price."
The only one who can make that choice is you. You can accept Jesus or reject Him. I'm not going to judge you either way. However, I know my aunt Mary accepted Him and I did, too. I know where she is today, and I know where I will be when it is my time to leave.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
It's been a very hectic span of days...I will have a longer post soon. My aunt died last week, and I traveled down to Alabama for the funeral and to spend some time with my family. It was a great trip (well, there were some minor hiccups, but otherwise it was great). I got to spend time with a lot of my dad's family, got to sing with my uncle's band, and had a nice time talking to my mom on the way down and the way back. Isn't it odd that sometimes, families don't take time to be close until it's too late?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Pain (part 1)
As much as we would love not to, at times we all experience pain. This may be physical pain, emotional pain, etc., but we all experience it at one point or another. Sometimes it's minor, other times it's severe. We never know for sure when it will hit, but we know it will happen sometime.
A lot of people question this, though, saying "Why would a perfect and just God allow this?" Well, there is no definite answer (at least, not that I am aware of) but I believe there are some very good possibilities.
The first is simply the introduction of sin. I don't believe we were ever supposed to feel pain, as long as we were without sin. Obviously, we know that didn't last long. In Genesis, the Bible explains that because of Adam's sin, he (and men after him) would endure the pain of labor. Because of Eve's sin, she (and women who followed) would experience great pain during childbirth.
This isn't to say that the pain you are experiencing is directly caused by sin. The truth is, only God Himself knows why pain is allowed. I'm sure scholars and theologians have debated this question for centuries. I am neither of those, so I can only go based on my faith and the knowledge I have.
Since we know that we can't always avoid pain, I believe we should focus on what we can learn from it. In many cases, it is telling us that something needs to change. Pain is the result of signals sent from the area to the brain to alert us to a problem. These pain receptors tell us when something is burning, has been overused, or something else. We can take this idea and apply it to other forms of pain.
Emotional pain be caused by so many different things - failures, disappointments, ending of relationships, the list goes on. I am a big advocate for counseling and other therapy to deal with this type of pain because many times, we alone cannot be sure of the reason we hurt.
The reason I bring this topic up is this: I have been in a lot of pain lately (of various types) and I continue to find healing in God and His word. I know that the pain in some cases is making me stronger and in others is just something I have to deal with. I may not understand why until I am in heaven, but according to my faith, I know that God is in control and will never let me go through more than I can handle.
Pain, anxiety, stress, etc. may be the common theme for the next month or so because that is what I have had to deal with for the past few months. There is so much that I have learned from it, though. I plan on having more on this tomorrow when I can concentrate a little more (I have been in a lot of pain this evening, so I am praying for a much better day tomorrow).
God bless,
Kenny
A lot of people question this, though, saying "Why would a perfect and just God allow this?" Well, there is no definite answer (at least, not that I am aware of) but I believe there are some very good possibilities.
The first is simply the introduction of sin. I don't believe we were ever supposed to feel pain, as long as we were without sin. Obviously, we know that didn't last long. In Genesis, the Bible explains that because of Adam's sin, he (and men after him) would endure the pain of labor. Because of Eve's sin, she (and women who followed) would experience great pain during childbirth.
This isn't to say that the pain you are experiencing is directly caused by sin. The truth is, only God Himself knows why pain is allowed. I'm sure scholars and theologians have debated this question for centuries. I am neither of those, so I can only go based on my faith and the knowledge I have.
Since we know that we can't always avoid pain, I believe we should focus on what we can learn from it. In many cases, it is telling us that something needs to change. Pain is the result of signals sent from the area to the brain to alert us to a problem. These pain receptors tell us when something is burning, has been overused, or something else. We can take this idea and apply it to other forms of pain.
Emotional pain be caused by so many different things - failures, disappointments, ending of relationships, the list goes on. I am a big advocate for counseling and other therapy to deal with this type of pain because many times, we alone cannot be sure of the reason we hurt.
The reason I bring this topic up is this: I have been in a lot of pain lately (of various types) and I continue to find healing in God and His word. I know that the pain in some cases is making me stronger and in others is just something I have to deal with. I may not understand why until I am in heaven, but according to my faith, I know that God is in control and will never let me go through more than I can handle.
Pain, anxiety, stress, etc. may be the common theme for the next month or so because that is what I have had to deal with for the past few months. There is so much that I have learned from it, though. I plan on having more on this tomorrow when I can concentrate a little more (I have been in a lot of pain this evening, so I am praying for a much better day tomorrow).
God bless,
Kenny
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Today has been an interesting (and long) day. I had to work early this morning and didn't get much sleep last night. I figured I would try to take a nap this afternoon, but I ended up not having time to do that because I had other things to take care of. So now, here it is a little after midnight and I'm still awake.
This week has been a blessing in many ways for me. I have been in a tremendous amount of pain lately, combined with a lot of fatigue and other issues. It's been an ongoing problem for quite some time. After ruling out other possibilities (such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, etc.), my doctor began treating me on Monday for fibromyalgia.
If you don't know what fibromyalgia is, here is the basic overview: it is described as inflammation of the fibrous or connective tissue of the body, with widespread pain, including in certain tender points. For me, this has basically meant that my body feels like I have the flu a large part of the time.
The medicine I was given this week has helped a lot. I can definitely notice a difference. Obviously, it'll take a while for me to feel "normal" again. A large part of the treatment is simply aerobic exercise and sleeping well. That will be easier once the pain is under control, which is hopefully coming soon.
Part of what can make it worse is stress, and I have definitely been under a lot of that lately. There are so many issues going on that have a lot of people in my life stressed. I don't blame them for being stressed at all, since there is a lot of uncertainty. However, as I've mentioned in the last couple of blogs, I know that God already has tomorrow planned out...
Isaiah 41:10 -
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
and then Isaiah 41:13 -
For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
I have to admit, I don't have these verses memorized word for word and scripture location by location. (Big thanks to Google for the help! lol) However, that is part of the purpose for this blog - for me to find scripture that helps me deal with the things going on in my life. As I've already found, they are pretty general topics that probably apply to all of us. We all have things in our lives we are uncertain about. We all have sin in our lives we are dealing with, and we are generally all facing some tough times in at least one area of our lives or another.
If I have learned one thing in my life, it is that I cannot do this on my own. Every time I have tried, I have failed. I will go into more detail on that on another day (believe me, I could write a book). For now, I leave you with this scripture, which I whole-heartedly believe:
Luke 1:37
For nothing is impossible with God. (emphasis added)
This week has been a blessing in many ways for me. I have been in a tremendous amount of pain lately, combined with a lot of fatigue and other issues. It's been an ongoing problem for quite some time. After ruling out other possibilities (such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, etc.), my doctor began treating me on Monday for fibromyalgia.
If you don't know what fibromyalgia is, here is the basic overview: it is described as inflammation of the fibrous or connective tissue of the body, with widespread pain, including in certain tender points. For me, this has basically meant that my body feels like I have the flu a large part of the time.
The medicine I was given this week has helped a lot. I can definitely notice a difference. Obviously, it'll take a while for me to feel "normal" again. A large part of the treatment is simply aerobic exercise and sleeping well. That will be easier once the pain is under control, which is hopefully coming soon.
Part of what can make it worse is stress, and I have definitely been under a lot of that lately. There are so many issues going on that have a lot of people in my life stressed. I don't blame them for being stressed at all, since there is a lot of uncertainty. However, as I've mentioned in the last couple of blogs, I know that God already has tomorrow planned out...
Isaiah 41:10 -
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
and then Isaiah 41:13 -
For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
I have to admit, I don't have these verses memorized word for word and scripture location by location. (Big thanks to Google for the help! lol) However, that is part of the purpose for this blog - for me to find scripture that helps me deal with the things going on in my life. As I've already found, they are pretty general topics that probably apply to all of us. We all have things in our lives we are uncertain about. We all have sin in our lives we are dealing with, and we are generally all facing some tough times in at least one area of our lives or another.
If I have learned one thing in my life, it is that I cannot do this on my own. Every time I have tried, I have failed. I will go into more detail on that on another day (believe me, I could write a book). For now, I leave you with this scripture, which I whole-heartedly believe:
Luke 1:37
For nothing is impossible with God. (emphasis added)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Worry
I don't have my computer with me, so I am updating this on my phone...so this post will be short. I have been thinking more about the anxiety and worry subjects, especially with everything going on. I am drawn back to Matthew 6...as part of the Sermon on the Mount. I will put the scripture below, but one thing I want to point out is how strongly Jesus feels about us not worrying about our lives. God already has a plan for us, and He will take care of us according to His great plan. Here is the scripture I want to share from Matthew 6 (NIV, copied from biblegateway.com):
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I pray that we would all follow that advice, especially right now.
God bless,
Kenny
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I pray that we would all follow that advice, especially right now.
God bless,
Kenny
Friday, February 19, 2010
Stress
It seems like, without fail, every Lent season is stressful. This year is no exception. I thought maybe we would get a little further into it before it started to hit, though.
Right now, my wife and I are facing some uncertainty in a couple areas of our lives. Looking at it from a worldly standpoint, it would be easy to start freaking out. Actually, it's pretty hard not to freak out if you look at all the different ways things could pan out.
However, the good news for us is that no matter which way things go, God is there for us. I'm reminded of Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV):
(4) Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (5) Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. (6) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (7) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(8) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (9) Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I think the key verse for me is verse 6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (emphasis added)
I am, by my nature, a fairly anxious person. I tend to worry about a lot of things. However, this scripture gives me peace. Nowhere does it say that everything will work out the way I want it to. Instead, it says that I need to be thankful when I ask God to take control of these situations - not just ones I struggle with, but with ALL situations - and God will give me peace about whatever happens.
That is truly the toughest part here. It's easy for us to get disappointed when things don't go our way. We often forget, though, that God has the bigger picture in mind. For more than 4 years, I prayed that God would give me a specific job. Time and time again, I was passed over for that job. It didn't seem to make sense - everyone around me was saying I should've gotten it. For more than 2 of those years, I struggled with no full time job and only lived on part-time hours. God provided for me during that time, even though it was rough.
Then, finally, I was offered a full-time job. However, it wasn't the one I had prayed for. Sure, I could have looked at it as though God still wasn't answering my prayer or that I was being cheated. I wasn't being cheated though, it was just a different answer than I expected.
God has blessed me through the job I did get. He has provided for me (and now my wife, as well) through the job and other opportunities that He has given me. I think had I not went through the waiting period I did, I might not be as appreciative of what I have.
I have realized that no matter how bad things look now, they WILL be okay in the end. Maybe we are struggling so that we can learn a lesson. Maybe it is to make us stronger, or maybe it is for a reason that we will never know. All I know is that God never fails - He always provides for us, and no matter what, I will keep my eyes focused on Him.
Right now, my wife and I are facing some uncertainty in a couple areas of our lives. Looking at it from a worldly standpoint, it would be easy to start freaking out. Actually, it's pretty hard not to freak out if you look at all the different ways things could pan out.
However, the good news for us is that no matter which way things go, God is there for us. I'm reminded of Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV):
(4) Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (5) Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. (6) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (7) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(8) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (9) Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I think the key verse for me is verse 6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (emphasis added)
I am, by my nature, a fairly anxious person. I tend to worry about a lot of things. However, this scripture gives me peace. Nowhere does it say that everything will work out the way I want it to. Instead, it says that I need to be thankful when I ask God to take control of these situations - not just ones I struggle with, but with ALL situations - and God will give me peace about whatever happens.
That is truly the toughest part here. It's easy for us to get disappointed when things don't go our way. We often forget, though, that God has the bigger picture in mind. For more than 4 years, I prayed that God would give me a specific job. Time and time again, I was passed over for that job. It didn't seem to make sense - everyone around me was saying I should've gotten it. For more than 2 of those years, I struggled with no full time job and only lived on part-time hours. God provided for me during that time, even though it was rough.
Then, finally, I was offered a full-time job. However, it wasn't the one I had prayed for. Sure, I could have looked at it as though God still wasn't answering my prayer or that I was being cheated. I wasn't being cheated though, it was just a different answer than I expected.
God has blessed me through the job I did get. He has provided for me (and now my wife, as well) through the job and other opportunities that He has given me. I think had I not went through the waiting period I did, I might not be as appreciative of what I have.
I have realized that no matter how bad things look now, they WILL be okay in the end. Maybe we are struggling so that we can learn a lesson. Maybe it is to make us stronger, or maybe it is for a reason that we will never know. All I know is that God never fails - He always provides for us, and no matter what, I will keep my eyes focused on Him.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Ash Wednesday
Today was Ash Wednesday, the official kickoff to Lent. So, probably the best way to start this blog is to explain what Lent is.
Lent is a period in which Christians prepare themselves for Easter. This is generally 40 days, which signifies the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and was tempted by Satan.
If you look at the calendar, though, there are 46 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. Different churches calculate the days differently, but my Protestant church excludes Sundays to get the 40 day period. For that 40 days, people give up something that they enjoy(sometimes candy, caffeine, chocolate, etc.). Those that exclude Sundays usually allow people to partake in whatever they gave up on Sundays. Of course, this varies depending on the section or denomination of Christianity.
But why do we give something up in the first place? If all you are doing is not eating candy, how do you get closer to God?
The key is to take the time you would normally do with that activity and use it to focus on God. Some people give up their time. In my case, I am giving up time that I would normally spend browsing the Internet or doing other stuff to make sure I post a blog. I don't mind writing but it is not what I would call an enjoyable pasttime for me. The bigger picture for me, though, is that it forces me to think about God and spend time in the Bible.
I want to share some scripture that my pastor shared with us this evening. This is part of the Sermon on the Mount. I will split it up into three sections describing giving, praying, and fasting. The entire passage is Matthew 6:1-18.
Giving
(1)"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. (2) So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (3) But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, (4) so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
You'll see throughout the passage a common theme about keeping your acts secret. A lot of people seem to enjoy the attention they get from giving to charities or the needy. What Jesus is saying here is that the attention received would be the full reward - however, by giving when no one is looking, you will be rewarded greater by God.
Praying
(5) "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (6) But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. (7)And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. (8)Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
(9) "This, then, is how you should pray:
'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
(10)your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
(11) Give us today our daily bread.
(12) Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
(13) And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.' (14)For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
There are two major themes that I see here. The first is the importance of quiet prayer time. Some people like to pray for show, but I think the best way to pray is in the quiet of your own home or other place where you can get away. The best way for you to talk to God is to make sure you've cut out all distractions. The conversation should be between you and God, not just so someone else can see you and think highly of you. Again the theme here is that if you do something just to get attention, that's the only reward you will get.
The second theme I'm sseeing is how if we expect God to forgive us, we need to be able to forgive others. I know so many people who hold on to grudges with people but yet expect that God will forgive them for everything. It goes along with the Golden Rule. If you want God to forigve you, then forgive others.
That's not saying it's easy, and I'll probably do a few more blogs about this topic later. I have been hurt by a few people, and I've done my share of hurting others, so I'm afraid I have experience in this subject.
Fasting
(16) "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (17) But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, (18) so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
This is where the "giving something up for Lent" thing comes into play. If you are giving something up, it shouldn't be obvious to everyone else. They shouldn't be able to look at you and say, "Man, you look terrible!" Instead, this should again be between you and God.
This isn't to say that you can't tell people what you are giving up. Obviously, I'm doing that here! The key is that while you want to be a good witness, you also want it to be an intimate thing between you and your Heavenly Father.
I realize this initial Lent post went kind of long. They will not all be this long - some will be shorter, some longer. I won't always be covering Lent-specific topics but just about anything that pops up into my head. If you have a topic suggestion, comment here or e-mail me: kenny.beasley@gmail.com.
God bless,
Kenny
(Note: Scripture taken from biblegateway.com, NIV version.)
Lent is a period in which Christians prepare themselves for Easter. This is generally 40 days, which signifies the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and was tempted by Satan.
If you look at the calendar, though, there are 46 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. Different churches calculate the days differently, but my Protestant church excludes Sundays to get the 40 day period. For that 40 days, people give up something that they enjoy(sometimes candy, caffeine, chocolate, etc.). Those that exclude Sundays usually allow people to partake in whatever they gave up on Sundays. Of course, this varies depending on the section or denomination of Christianity.
But why do we give something up in the first place? If all you are doing is not eating candy, how do you get closer to God?
The key is to take the time you would normally do with that activity and use it to focus on God. Some people give up their time. In my case, I am giving up time that I would normally spend browsing the Internet or doing other stuff to make sure I post a blog. I don't mind writing but it is not what I would call an enjoyable pasttime for me. The bigger picture for me, though, is that it forces me to think about God and spend time in the Bible.
I want to share some scripture that my pastor shared with us this evening. This is part of the Sermon on the Mount. I will split it up into three sections describing giving, praying, and fasting. The entire passage is Matthew 6:1-18.
Giving
(1)"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. (2) So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (3) But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, (4) so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
You'll see throughout the passage a common theme about keeping your acts secret. A lot of people seem to enjoy the attention they get from giving to charities or the needy. What Jesus is saying here is that the attention received would be the full reward - however, by giving when no one is looking, you will be rewarded greater by God.
Praying
(5) "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (6) But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. (7)And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. (8)Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
(9) "This, then, is how you should pray:
'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
(10)your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
(11) Give us today our daily bread.
(12) Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
(13) And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.' (14)For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
There are two major themes that I see here. The first is the importance of quiet prayer time. Some people like to pray for show, but I think the best way to pray is in the quiet of your own home or other place where you can get away. The best way for you to talk to God is to make sure you've cut out all distractions. The conversation should be between you and God, not just so someone else can see you and think highly of you. Again the theme here is that if you do something just to get attention, that's the only reward you will get.
The second theme I'm sseeing is how if we expect God to forgive us, we need to be able to forgive others. I know so many people who hold on to grudges with people but yet expect that God will forgive them for everything. It goes along with the Golden Rule. If you want God to forigve you, then forgive others.
That's not saying it's easy, and I'll probably do a few more blogs about this topic later. I have been hurt by a few people, and I've done my share of hurting others, so I'm afraid I have experience in this subject.
Fasting
(16) "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (17) But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, (18) so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
This is where the "giving something up for Lent" thing comes into play. If you are giving something up, it shouldn't be obvious to everyone else. They shouldn't be able to look at you and say, "Man, you look terrible!" Instead, this should again be between you and God.
This isn't to say that you can't tell people what you are giving up. Obviously, I'm doing that here! The key is that while you want to be a good witness, you also want it to be an intimate thing between you and your Heavenly Father.
I realize this initial Lent post went kind of long. They will not all be this long - some will be shorter, some longer. I won't always be covering Lent-specific topics but just about anything that pops up into my head. If you have a topic suggestion, comment here or e-mail me: kenny.beasley@gmail.com.
God bless,
Kenny
(Note: Scripture taken from biblegateway.com, NIV version.)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Why a new blog?
Well, I guess the best way to kick this off is to explain why I am doing this. I was talking with my wife Amanda about ways to observe Lent this year. Normally we give things up (candy, soda, etc.) But how does that end up helping my spiritual walk with God? It doesn't, really. At least, not for me. So I figured that a GREAT way to get closer to God and observe Lent is to start up a blog with a commitment to post in here every night about a passage of scripture or other spiritual topic.
Here is a little about me. First, I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus died for my sins on a cross that was meant for me. I have always believed this, at least as long as I can remember, but I've had some hurdles to overcome.
My dad died in November 1997, and my only living grandmother died six months later. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I started falling away from church and from God. A few years later, I got back into church more than I had before. I decided to become a pastor, but about a month after I made that decision, I fell into more sin. The weight of the sin was too much for me to handle and I fell back out of church.
I met a girl in 2005 that helped me get back on track. Her uncle is a pastor and I started attending that church. Eventually, I joined the worship team. I married that girl, Amanda, on May 17, 2008.
I will add that I stepped down from the worship team in October of last year so that I could properly focus on ministering to my family and, in a sense, regroup. This is going to be part of that process. I intend on ramping up in some sort of ministry after the Easter season is finished.
Over the next 40 days (and hopefully longer than that) I will talk about different topics relating to my life and those around me. I am going to be honest and up front in this blog, because I feel that is the only way to properly share what I need to.
I appreciate any and all prayers on my behalf. If you have a request for a specific topic to be covered, or a general comment, please feel free to post it or e-mail me.
Kenny
Here is a little about me. First, I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus died for my sins on a cross that was meant for me. I have always believed this, at least as long as I can remember, but I've had some hurdles to overcome.
My dad died in November 1997, and my only living grandmother died six months later. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I started falling away from church and from God. A few years later, I got back into church more than I had before. I decided to become a pastor, but about a month after I made that decision, I fell into more sin. The weight of the sin was too much for me to handle and I fell back out of church.
I met a girl in 2005 that helped me get back on track. Her uncle is a pastor and I started attending that church. Eventually, I joined the worship team. I married that girl, Amanda, on May 17, 2008.
I will add that I stepped down from the worship team in October of last year so that I could properly focus on ministering to my family and, in a sense, regroup. This is going to be part of that process. I intend on ramping up in some sort of ministry after the Easter season is finished.
Over the next 40 days (and hopefully longer than that) I will talk about different topics relating to my life and those around me. I am going to be honest and up front in this blog, because I feel that is the only way to properly share what I need to.
I appreciate any and all prayers on my behalf. If you have a request for a specific topic to be covered, or a general comment, please feel free to post it or e-mail me.
Kenny
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